The connection between mother and daughter can be an amazing gift, however, it can be very complex too.

There are different styles of a mother-daughter relationship. Some grown-up daughters used to visit their mom, whereas others solely do thus on holidays. Many moms and daughters act like best friends, but others cannot have a chat without moving into an argument. And the list continues.

Thankfully, moms and daughters have good recommendations to help them improve their relationship, no matter what type they have. Psych Central shared ways to nurture their communication and to manage their conflict.

1. Do the first move.

Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their actions. However, according to marriage and family therapist Dr. Linda Mintle, and author of I Love My Mother, But… Practical Help to Get the Most Out of Your Relationship, you are capable to make adjustments to your responses and reactions. Fortunately, the relationship may be nurtured. Imagine it as a dance, she said. When one person changes their step, the whole dance also changes.

2. Communicate regularly.

Lack of communication is a common challenge with mothers and daughters. Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D., psychologist and co-author of I’m Not Mad, I Just Hate You! A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflict, said:

“In some ways they can be so close or feel so close that they believe that each of them should know how the other one feels. What happens as a result is they don’t communicate.”

Else, the conversation can be awful, far from how they talk to others, which causes hurt feelings that “don’t go away so easily”, Dr. Cohen-Sandler said.

Since moms and daughters are not mind-readers, be transparent and express your feelings. Another way is to do it “in a very heartfelt but gentle manner.”

3. Learn to forgive.

Another tip shared in Psych Central’s article is forgiveness. It’s “an individual act,” Mintle said. It differs from reconciliation, which requires both sides and is not always possible. To forgive someone does not mean that what happened is okay. It is not pardoning, condoning, or making light of ‘the impact’, she said.

Forgiveness is essential for your health. Mintle mentioned:

“I’m constantly telling daughters you have to forgive your mom in order to be healthy … The power of forgiveness is really for the person who forgives.”

She added that:

“The better you can forgive, the better you can repair damage quickly.”

4. Focus on the present.

Daughters and mothers may have “an old argument that runs like a broken record in the background”, Cohen-Sandler said. Instead of “bringing up” and dwelling on past arguments, try to concentrate on the present.

5. Accept to disagree.

Mothers and daughters disagree on many issues, such as parenting, relationships and career. Cohen-Sandler said they usually try to convince the other to change their minds. Moms feel dismayed and rejected that their daughters make different decisions. Alternatively, daughters think their mothers disapprove of them and become defensive.

It is important to realize that there are some issues you’ll not agree on. That’s all right too. She said:

“…it’s really healthy for moms and daughters to have major disagreements.”

Another advice is not to take “something personally that isn’t personal.” Cohen-Sandler expressed that:

“The bottom line is that moms and daughters can be really close but they’re not the same people. [They’re] allowed to have different interests, goals and ways of handling things.”

Hopefully, these tips will help you nurture your relationship with your mom or daughter! You can also find more on the list of Psych Central.

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Source: Psych Central, Dr. Linda Mintle, Roni Cohen-Sandler, PhD