Most of us have a really romantic notion about what married life is going to be like… then reality hits. Apparently, it’s not all long walks on the beach, feeding each other chocolates, and cuddling on the sofa drinking wine every night like the lovey-dovey couples in the movies would lead us to believe. At least according to Twitter. When it comes to hard truths about marriage, Twitter users don’t hold back.

These 55 Hilarious Marriage Tweets reveal what marriage is really like, and it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It turns out, marriage is both incredibly rewarding and incredibly challenging at the same time. At least there is a lot to laugh about though.

1. Social media obligations

Marriage means you have a literal obligation to acknowledge your significant other’s birthday on social media. Failure to do so could result in a big fight. Sending out a birthday Tweet is basically the new modern equivalent of giving someone a greeting card.

2. New turn ons

Married couples are always looking for new ways to spice things up. Although, you might be surprised by what things actually turn you on. Sometimes, all it takes to reinvigorate a marriage is a little extra unplanned free time.

3. Communication

How you communicate with your partner completely changes. Texting little requests to them becomes totally acceptable. Although, you’ll probably need to be careful not to abuse the privilege too much.

4. Making plans

Once you have kids, life gets a whole lot busier too. Even when you finally get a reprieve, you may find that deciding what to do is more challenging than ever. You wouldn’t want to waste that precious free time!

5. Organization

Couples occasionally have different ideas about how to organize things. Everything has a proper place, but agreeing on where that place is sometimes challenging. It’s important to compromise, i.e. give in so as to avoid a fight.

6. Sleeping arrangements

The idea of sleeping in the same bed and cuddling every night sounds great in principle. It’s just such a romantic notion. However, the reality is often a little different.

7. Noise complaints

As a married person, you’ll always have someone to make smoothies for you whenever you want. However, there is also nothing worse than noise distractions while you are trying to watch your favorite show. You’ll have to decide which is more important to you. Silence or fruit smoothies.

8. Eating habits

Another important issue to consider is how your partner eats. Does the way your boyfriend or girlfriend chew their food drive you crazy? If so, then it’s probably not going to work out.

9. Sweet dreams

The things that originally were romantic and endearing about your partner may change over time. Basic stuff like sleeping together may eventually become a problem. This Tweet illustrates what could potentially happen.

10. Watching TV

As a lot of people are proving with their Tweets, a major part of married life revolves around how you watch TV as a couple. Watching a show together can either be a great bonding experience or a source of great frustration. It all depends on how you handle it.

11. Conversations

The nature of conversations also changes. What you think you are saying is not always what the other person is actually hearing. This can create some problems.

12. Budgeting

Keeping track of finances and budgeting is crucial. However, sometimes it is better to just avoid the financial questions altogether. Especially if you don’t want your relationship to suffer.

13. Finding faults

If you look for faults in a person, you will find them. It’s important to love your partner for all their unique quirks, even the ones that annoy you. In other words, embrace the loud chewing.

14. Online shopping

Online shopping becomes a team effort, but one person is normally better at it than the other. If that person is you, don’t be afraid to share your skillset with your partner. Surprise them with your knowledge of credit card numbers.

15. Life lessons

You’ll probably learn a lot of interesting life lessons from your husband or wife. For example, this man’s wife taught him the importance of conservation. Never waste paper towels.

16. Furniture

In-person shopping can be just as challenging as online. Especially when a couple has differences of opinion on what furniture to buy. It can create a rift between a husband and wife that is hard to get past.

17. Lack of sleep

Once you have kids, you’ll find that sleep becomes more of a luxury than a necessity. How tired you are can even become a source of competition. Wear those dark circles under your eyes like a badge of honor.

18. Art of seduction

A little effort goes a long way towards keeping things alive in the bedroom. Sometimes, all it takes is some fancy socks and a clean shirt. Seduction as a married couple becomes more about just showing up and looking presentable.

19. Accepting defeat

Some battles just aren’t worth fighting and you’ll learn that sometimes it’s better to just accept defeat. Especially if it’s not your turn to use the brain.

20. Household chores

Occasionally one person in the relationship has different ideas about what constitutes contributing to household duties. What the best policy is for chores varies from couple to couple. It’s something you’ll definitely have to discuss.

21. Adulting

Part of being a good husband or wife is being responsible. Yes, adulting is hard, but at some point, you’ll probably need to grow up. Some people will find this more difficult than others.

22. Proof

If you’re going to argue about something, it’s important to back up your argument with proof. Otherwise, it’s just unnecessary complaining. However, if you have actual scientific facts to back up your claim as documented by a Fitbit, you might stand a chance of winning.

23. Compromise

Compromise is typically a give and take. However, not in marriage. What the wife wants, the wife gets! A happy wife means a happy life, right?

24. Metaphors

Marriage is a lot like coffee, one Twitter user explains. It starts hot, then cools down, and ultimately, is just a kick in the ass that encourages you to get up and actually do things.

25. Winning

Winning is important. It doesn’t matter how big or how small the win is, you have to take a win when you can get one. The fact that it’s someone else’s kid crying in public instead of yours is a reason to celebrate.

26. Marrying your prince

Sometimes marriage actually is like the movies. For one woman, her dream was to marry Gaston from the Disney movie “Beauty and the Beast”. In a way, she basically got what she wanted. Both Gaston and her husband are pros at eating.

27. Double standards

If you’re going to complain about spending habits, make sure that you are holding yourself to the same standard. One minute you’re complaining about wasting money, the next minute you’re buying a tuxedo outfit for the dog. Something is not right here…

28. Groceries

The same argument about complaining also applies to spending money on groceries. If you want to eat, it’s going to cost you. Food is not free and it’s important to budget appropriately.

29. Practical jokes

It’s okay to have a little fun once and a while. Playing a small practical joke here and there is a great way to keep things interesting. However, make sure to know your wife or husband’s limits.

30. Investing

It’s important to invest in your relationship. According to this Twitter user, buying a bigger blanket is a small investment that can pay big dividends. It’s well worth the money.

31. Milestones

Relationship milestones come in all different shapes and sizes. Sometimes it is celebrating the birth of a child or getting a promotion at work. Other times, it is having an argument entirely in refrigerator magnets.

32. The good and the bad

It’s likely there will be good times and bad times in your relationship. If you want the marriage to succeed, you will have to take them all in stride. Married people issues are real.

33. The rules

Every couple has an unwritten set of rules that they follow. As long as you don’t break the rules, everything is fine. Although, the rules don’t always apply the same for each person.

34. Teamwork

It’s always great when you and your partner are on the same page. One sign that two people are perfect for one another is when they both snooze their alarm clocks at exactly the same time.

35. Lost items

Two minds are better than one, especially when it comes to finding misplaced items around the house. If something gets lost, there’s a good chance at least one of you will be able to find it.

36. Clarification

If there is a miscommunication, it’s always a good idea to get clarification. Before you start a huge fight, you want to be absolutely sure you heard your partner correctly. When in doubt, hire a detective.

37. Boundaries

All personal boundaries pretty much go out the window. In marriage, it is completely acceptable to interrupt your significant other’s shower to inquire about where the Cheetos are. It’s something you just learn to live with.

38. Sharing is caring

Sharing is caring, they say, but when it comes to making snacks, all bets are off. If there are cheese and crackers to be had, it’s every man and woman for themselves!

39. Sexting

Married sexting is way different than single sexting. What starts out hot and heavy can quickly morph into a debate about whose turn it is to do the laundry.

40. Therapy

If it comes to therapy or marriage counseling, remember to bring a positive attitude. Try to enjoy the process and work towards meaningful solutions. And of course, don’t treat it like a joke!

41. Decisions

Occasionally, you’ll have to make some tough decisions. To unpause or not to unpause? That is the question.

42. Personalities change

You may find that you and your significant other’s personalities start merging into one. This may involve finishing each other’s sentences. It’s likely too that one personality may win out more often than the other.

43. Sexy time

Not everything revolves around sex. Although marriage is often portrayed as just one big non-stop sex marathon, that is certainly not always the case. Sometimes a Kit Kat is just a Kit Kat.

44. Gestures of love

Little gestures of love are important for reminding your spouse how much you care. Some gestures mean more than others though. Really, it all depends on the context.

45. PDA

Public displays of affection are the perfect way of showing others how in love you and your spouse are. Sometimes you might want to take it to the extreme. Faking a public rescue is a great way of gaining relationship clout.

46. Looking out for one another

Whenever you have an accident, your husband or wife will always be there at your side to comfort you. Although, they might also use it as an opportunity to remind you of their own struggles.

47. Right and wrong

You’ll learn the right and wrong way of doing things. And yes, there is always a right and wrong way. For everything.

48. Teasing

A little light-hearted teasing is the cornerstone of every solid marriage. Teasing strengthens the bonds of love. It’s also a whole lot of fun.

49. Household duties

Never neglect your household duties. Whenever there is a problem that needs taken care of it, it is important to work together and do something about it. Although, what “doing something” actually means is kind of subjective.

50. Surprises

Surprising your spouse is a good way of showing you care about them. Although, be forewarned… the response you get might not be the response you expect.

51. Sick time

Being sick means you’ll get to spend extra time with one another. Although, unfortunately, that’s not always a good thing. Sometimes it’s like having extra kids running around the house driving you crazy.

52. Texting

One Twitter user summed up marriage nicely. It’s basically just constant texting each other back and forth about groceries until either you or your spouse dies.

53. Pets

The pet you get isn’t always the pet you want. Sometimes you might want a dog and end up with a cat. Other times you’ll end up with a hedgehog.

54. Wishful thinking

After you’ve been together for a while, you might find that your thoughts are drifting more and more towards insurance claims. It’s not right or wrong. It just is.

55. Being honest

Honesty is always the best policy, even when that means admitting that you accomplished none of the tasks you set out on doing that day. Don’t worry. Your spouse will forgive you!

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Source: Scary Mommy

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