Is it just me, or are people just getting funnier every day? Maybe it’s something in the water.

These tweets are limited to the 280 character limit, but a well-done joke doesn’t even need close to that many. There are many surprise endings to the jokes listed below.

Take a look down the list and see what I mean. People are very literal with the phrasing of the jokes, and then there are people being a bit dark with their humor. In both cases, it’s just for fun, and we hope you get a good laugh.

1. Jump for your life

When death is on the line, you might find yourself doing things you never thought you’d do. Unless you’ve been in the situation, don’t judge.

ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I’m nervous. I’ve never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: don’t lick my lips again.

— Paul (@FrenulumBreve) August 19, 2015

2. Surprise!

I guess this is one way you can bring the awkwardness to the table. This certainly won’t end well.

[introducing girlfriend to my family]
me: this is my girlfriend janine
janine: hi
wife: what the fuck

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) August 11, 2016

3. Dad joke

This one just feels like a classic. However, if this is not a joke, make sure to keep an eye on the people around you.

“Open Mike Night” sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I’d been invited to an autopsy.

— Olan Devine (@OlanDevine) November 1, 2014

4. It makes a lot of sense

Husbands seem to love to test the patience of their wives. But we can all agree that gummy bears are tiny so, you need to get a handful in your mouth to obtain satisfaction.

My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.

It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014

5. So they are organic?

With the way technology advances so quickly, how far away are we from talking carrots?

[grocery produce aisle]
ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?
CLERK: No, why do you ask?
CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos | BLM (@TheToddWilliams) March 19, 2016

6. Ouch!

Apparently, this guy was the spoiled child in the family. But he has a great sense of humor despite the angry siblings.

I was raised as an only child. My siblings took it pretty hard

— 🇺🇸Fránk Whítehouse 🇺🇸 (@WheelTod) April 16, 2016

7. Get a hotel room

I don’t know who can get in the mood while at IKEA with the amount of human madness and the smell of pickled herring and meatballs. No thanks.

[having sex on kitchen table]
IKEA salesman: please stop

— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) February 13, 2016

8. They have come to a decision.

I wonder how old the kids were before the parents decided to abandon them. They must be ready for the adult world, I guess.

My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.

— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) August 7, 2013

9. Get me off this thing!

This is hilarious as a reader but, if you were on this flight, it would be the scariest day of your life. And maybe the last.

“Hi I’m Dave and I’m an alcoholic”
*uncomfortable murmur*
“I’ll be your captain today. Our flight time into Phoenix will be 3 hours and

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) March 4, 2016

10. Time to leave

No time for dilly dally. When you are hungry, and someone hands you food, you grab it, and you go!

Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what?

Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir.

— Turd Ferguson (@generaldietz) October 9, 2015

11. Moms work really hard

Every mom deserves a break from their children. Looks like a plane isn’t the place that moms get to take that break.

Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that’s not allowed if the baby is yours.

— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014

12. You might want to talk about this

I did not see that coming. Let’s just hope she didn’t help you remove your seatbelt as well.

My wife just opened my car door for me.

Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph.

— Brad Broaddus (@BradBroaddus) May 26, 2012

13. Same with punctuation

But I’ll spare you the redundancy of a similar joke.

Capitalization can really change a sentence.

Example:

I love to eat candy.

I love to eat capitalization.

— Nate Usher (@thenatewolf) June 27, 2014

14. They got you!

This one really pays tribute to the power of a product. It really works! Maybe a bit much, but it works!

“Smells fresh. Like a tropical island.”

“Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family’s been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it.”

— Brick Tamland (@Ch4BrickTamland) January 17, 2015

15. Keeping your job title

This guy is very smart. He knows how to keep the house happy as the “man” in the house.

My wife wanted two kittens but I am the man in this house so we got two kittens

— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) January 17, 2015

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Source: Shareably