In-laws have been at odds with each other since humans started marrying. Even people who get along well with their mothers and fathers-in-law will end up disagreeing with them now and then. But did this mom go too far?

When it comes to parenting, things have really changed. New mothers today raise their children in a very different way than in the past.

Once upon a time, it was considered normal, or at least not abnormal, for mothers to smoke near their children. Most mothers today would never dream of doing such a thing. But what about when it comes to relatives of the baby? How far should they go to keep their smoking habit away from a newborn?

Almost everyone nowadays would understand why a mother wouldn’t want someone else smoking by their baby. But what about smoking somewhere discreet and then coming into contact with a newborn?

The new mom in this story faced that exact dilemma. Her mother-in-law smokes heavily, being from an era when cigarette companies could claim that there were no adverse health effects from smoking.

The mom knew that her mother-in-law wouldn’t smoke in the direct vicinity of her baby, but she did know that the woman would go out to smoke and then want to hold the baby shortly after.

Would this be harmful to her child, she wondered. So she researched it online and grew concerned.

She decided to implement a policy where, if the mother-in-law smoked, the mother-in-law would have to both shower and change her clothing before she could hold the baby.

This sounds like an extreme way to treat your in-laws, but it’s also hard not to sympathize with the new mother. So many new mothers want the best for their babies and will go to extreme lengths to keep them safe.

It’s hard to envision this rule going down well with the mother in law.

After all, babies have been held by people who have recently had a cigarette for hundreds of years. And going to the length of showering/changing clothes is a lot of work just to hold a baby.

Luckily, the concerned mother wrote to an agony aunt for advice on what to do.

The agony aunt gave some strong advice which will hopefully allow the two to reach a compromise.

She gave a long response, but this is the gist of it: The new mom has a right to tell others how to behave around the baby. But when the mother and baby are visiting the mother-in-law, then the mother should be less strict about it. Overall, the mother needs to try to explain to her in-law that her policy is not to hurt the mother-in-law’s feelings but to protect the baby.

At the end of the day, the mother is just responding to expert advice.

Her main worry in this situation is thirdhand smoke, which is the smoke that can remain on the clothing of a smoker. There is evidence that this can make children develop asthma, ear infections, pneumonia and other health problems.

The experts also admit that more study needs to go into the risks of thirdhand smoke. But until this is done, surely it’s better to be safe than sorry?

Hopefully, the mother-in-law was able to understand her daughter-in-law’s worries and could reach a compromise that meant they could continue as one big happy family.

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Source: Cafe Mom